Laura Benjamin's July 25, 2007 Newsletter

LAURA'S LETTERS ONLINE MAGAZINE

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Vol. 8, Number 9 - July 25, 2007
Editor: Laura Benjamin
http://www.LauraBenjamin.com
Published continually since 2000
Copyright©Pinehurst Press Ltd., 2007

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IN THIS ISSUE:
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1. Funny Quotes & Teamwork Quotes
2. Mailbag: The Verbally Abusive Boss
3. Change is Messy
4. The User Experience
5. Discussion Point: Leadership Backbone
6. Complimentary Resources
7. Shameless You-Know-What
8. The Grand Finale

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1. FUNNY QUOTES & TEAMWORK QUOTES
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Quotes seen on FoodHandler.com posters in ladies restroom
at the Cowboy Expresso Shop in Fountain CO:
"(She) thinks salmonella was a 60's recording duo."
"(He) is pretty sure hepatitis was an ancient Egyptian ruler."

"A learned person will become noble only when he or she has
put into real practice what has been learned, instead of
just mere words." (Dali Lama)

"A principle is a principle and in no case can it be watered
down because of our incapacity to live it in practice. We have
to strive to achieve it, and the striving should be conscious,
deliberate and hard." (Mahatma Ghandi)

Change is inevitable, progress is optional. (anonymous)

Click here for more quotes (www.LauraBenjamin.com/teamworkquotes.htm)

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2. MAILBAG: THE VERBALLY ABUSIVE BOSS
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This question reached me via email on how to deal with a
verbally abusive boss...

Q: "Hi Laura, I've loved my job and have been in it for about
four years with no complaints until last month when I got a
new manager. Now, I'm looking to get the heck outta here as
fast as I can. She's abrupt, rude and finds every opportunity
to criticize and ridicule people on our team, especially at
meetings in front of other people. Is there anything I can do
or say to put a stop to this? I can't go over her head. The
owners think she walks on water." (Name withheld for obvious
reasons)

A: Yes, there are a number of things you can do to take charge
of this situation and salvage your job:

First, schedule time to meet with your boss, but ask if you can
talk while you're walking around the outside of the building
rather than sitting in her office. This will put you on neutral
territory and make both of you feel less intimidated. Before you
meet, prepare your discussion by using the 4-F Method, state the
facts, your feelings, the fallout and invite feedback. Make sure
you use "I" statements and try not to assume what motivates her
behavior. You might say, "I'm concerned that 9 out of 10 times
I'm getting negative feedback from you and it's often in public.
I'm frustrated (feelings) that the result or outcomes (fallout)
will be destructive for us both. Can we discuss some agreements
that will help us both communicate in such a way that neither of
us feel frustrated or attacked? (feedback)

Second, if that approach doesn't work, you may wish to use the
'kill em with kindness' approach. With every harsh word or critical
phrase, you can say things like....
"That may be true. I've never thought of it that way."
"That's an interesting perspective. I'll give that some thought."
"I'm concerned your opinion of me is so negative. What can I do
to turn this around?"
"We had no idea as a team that you'd interpret our efforts that
way. How would you like us to do it differently in the future?"
This approach may be difficult for you to take at first, but it
might release the frustration you feel when you know you can
disarm her with these "no contest" responses. She won't feel
like you're ready to fight or resist and may relax her approach
as time proceeds.

Third, you can go over her head despite your perspective that
the owners think she can do no wrong. If enough people complain
about her abusive behaviors, they should come to realize it's
time to have a chat with her. You do run the risk, however, of
hastening your own demise, so make sure you have a backup plan
(such as an extended vacation) in place first.

Fourth, you might decide none of this is worth the effort or
headaches and continue with your job search until you find the
right reason to leave. Avoid the temptation to "let her have it
on your way out the door". Why? Because you just never know how
that could come back to haunt you later on. If you have an exit
interview and they ask the reasons why you're leaving, you can
either keep to the high road and say (like most do) that you're
leaving for "greater professional opportunities" or you can
objectively and calmly state that the environment is no longer
conducive to healthy working relationships and leave it at that.

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3. CHANGE IS MESSY
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Are you going through some personal or work related changes right
now? Does it feel like you don't know which end is up, you're
not sure how to deal with circumstances as they exist and you're
not confident you have all the facts or knowledge you need in
order to make a sound decision?

Some say that coping with change means you accept the reality of
what is, you adjust your expectations to the new "paradigm" (I
hate that word) and then just move on. Don't be such a baby about
it, get over it, realize that change is a constant, etc.

Well, here's what I say...
Change is relative to what's at stake. On a scale from 1-10, it
can be a very different experience depending on who is involved,
what's at risk and what you have to give up in order to get through
it. That's going to be very different for everyone, even though
the set of circumstances might appear to be the same on the surface.

Change is messy. You don't start at the bottom and neatly make your
way up the curve in a consistent manner until you finally end up at
the other side of the tunnel (so to speak). For most of us, we do
our best to move forward, but end up taking two steps back, try to
reclaim the old familiar times, get disappointed and frustrated,
lash out, beat ourselves up, resolve to move on, etc.

Imagine the tectonic plates of the earth as pressure builds and
they resist, scrape, buckle, groan and then finally crumble under
the overwhelming force. Then the earth moves in a new direction.

Consider the movement of a drill team or marching band as they
turn a corner. The leader gives a "preparatory command" to warn
the team of an impending change. They are careful to give it when
people are on the correct or "right" foot so as not to throw them
off balance when they turn. The action command follows, also on
the "right" foot (which could be the left depending which way they
will turn!) Those on the inside of the column slow their pace to
allow those marching on the outside to make a wider turn. Some
will have to wait for others to catch up during times of change.
Some will "get it" faster than others and they should show some
patience with those who must take longer strides. Then everyone
marches in place briefly in order to recover and "catch their
breath" before striking off in the new direction. Leaders are
careful to gauge the amount of time it takes for folks to recover,
otherwise future changes may not go so smoothly.

Consider also the headlight theory when it comes to dealing with
change. It's not easy to see where you're headed during dark days
when you only carry a flashlight to illuminate your path. The
beam is narrow and you must rotate it back and forth in order to
get the clearest picture of the landscape. It only shines so far,
which causes you to adjust your stride when you quickly come upon
rocks, gullies or obstacles in your path that you couldn't see
from further back. You can only see as far as the beam of light
will take you, but then you learn more about the terrain, you
have more information and experience at your disposal. The further
you walk, the more you will know.

Change is like that. You're bound to twist an ankle along the path,
muddy your hiking boots despite your best efforts and you could even
lose a buddy temporarily who strays off the path. You might not
feel like it was even worth it once you're done, but one thing is
guaranteed: you'll have more skills at your disposal to meet the
next change when it comes along!

English Proverb: "A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor."

Talk about knowing a change is looming!

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Want a great reading resource to help your folks cope with change?
Read Bill Bryson's book, "A Walk in the Woods: Rediscovering America
on the Appalachian Trail". Not only is a humorous read, but you'll
also find plenty of analogies to how he and his buddy coped with
changing conditions, attitude adjustments and bear encounters.
(Sometimes the best business books are the non-business books!)

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4. THE USER EXPERIENCE
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Visit the Nielsen Norman Group website at nngroup.com for an
extensive list of articles, interviews and white papers from
their research on the "user experience". What does that mean?
The definition of this term on their site is this:

"'User experience' encompasses all aspects of the end-user's
interaction with the company, its services, and its products.
The first requirement for an exemplary user experience is to
meet the exact needs of the customer, without fuss or bother.
Next comes simplicity and elegance that produce products that
are a joy to own, a joy to use. True user experience goes far
beyond giving customers what they say they want, or providing
checklist features. In order to achieve high-quality user
experience in a company's offerings there must be a seamless
merging of the services of multiple disciplines, including
engineering, marketing, graphical and industrial design, and
interface design."

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Yet another reference on how to improve the customer experience
comes courtesy of the good folks at California Casualty Insurance.
They have been very impress with a program called "The Customer"
from IntegritySystems.com which promotes a Customer Satisfaction
System(TM) made up of six steps:
1. Greet people to put them at ease
2. Value individuals as unique and important
3. Ask good, open-ended questions
4. Listen to what people say through words, tone and body language
5. Help meet the needs and wants you've heard expressed
6. Invite them to continue the relationship or call on you again

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All wonderful resources. So where do you go first and who do you
listen to when there's so much good information and methods to
choose from? Here's my list of basics on how to begin improving
your customer's service experience:

- Identify the outcomes you wish to achieve. (Was it Covey who
said, "Begin with the end in mind"?)
- Clarify the values you wish to convey.
- Ensure you have the right people on the bus, so to speak, as
Jim Collins recommended in "From Good to Great". People who don't
buy in can sink your ship and derail all your best efforts (lots
of buzzwords here)
- Reinforce and reward the behaviors you want to see more of
- Coach to compensate for performance gaps with my CARLA Model:
1. what challenge or change did you face?
2. what action(s) did you take?
3. what results did you achieve? (quantify when possible)
4. what lessons did you learn?
5. what's another approach? (now that you know what you know)

Even if you just choose one step to work on at a time, it will
help you move forward towards delivering a much better customer
experience overall.
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Want an excellent example of how Michael Cecere, President of
Innovative Financial Management in Colorado Springs gives his
clients the "red carpet" experience? He calls them on their
birthday and sings Happy Birthday to them over the phone! No,
he's not a professional singer or frustrated opera star - just
a regular guy who wants each client to feel special on their
birthday. And we do! Thanks Mike!

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Got an extremely difficult customer you'd like to "fire"? Not
quite sure how to carefully and diplomatically remove them from
your customer list? Then get my Booklet, "How to Fire a Customer"
www.laurabenjamin.com/Reports/how-to-fire-a-customer.htm

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5. DISCUSSION POINT #9: LEADERSHIP BACKBONE
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A short discussion module to improve interpersonal communication
between co-workers, constituents, community and frontline leaders

Colorado University Board of Regents just passed a motion to accept
the recommendation from CU President Hank Brown to fire Ward Churchill
from his position in the Ethnic Studies department. Personally, I'd
say it was high time and congratulate the Board of Regents and CU
President for their gumption.

It's not easy being in charge. You're worried on one hand about
being fair, worried about being sued and wasting taxpayer dollars
on legal fees unnecessarily, worried about setting standards and
when tested, upholding those standards.

It's the same dilemma Human Resource folks and business owners face
as they try to balance hiring decisions with trigger happy job
candidates who will sue at the drop of a hat. Sometimes they err on
the side of comprehensive employment screening to make sure they are
hiring people who have a legitimate right to work, and other times
they hide behind employment systems. Some turn a blind eye as illegal
workers use identity theft to gain access to U.S. jobs.

You can see here that I'm citing real life challenges to see exactly
how much backbone we have when it comes to dealing with the grey areas.
Maybe these situations are pretty clear for you, as they are for me.
But maybe there's something I've overlooked. I invite you to discuss...

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

If the "system" has not yet caught up with the realities of workplace,
academic or community challenges/tests, how should you proceed?

Do you abide by the letter of the law (so to speak) knowing that abusers
will "milk the system"? Or, do you look more to "spirit" or "intent"
which might take you well beyond existing guidelines or policies?

Where does the greatest harm lie if you follow "the letter of the law"
but ignore the long term impact, the example set, etc.?

How do you respond to those who say, "What's done is done. It's now
too big a controversy and we don't want to risk (fill in the blank)."

If your organizational policies do not support your values, who has
the responsibility to get them changed?

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6. RESOURCES
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A great article on meeting facilitation and lessons learned:
http://www.nea.gov/resources/Lessons/DUNCAN1.HTML

TUTORIALS: Daily email tips, strategies and ideas
Find them at LauraBenjamin.com - "Tools" on the nav bar.
- 79 Ways to Build a Better Business
- 107 Ways to Deal with Difficult People

LAURA'S BLOG: Frequently updated content you can sample at
http://laurabenjamin.wordpress.com or "Blog" on the nav bar.

ARTICLES: Most recent article published by Southside Business
News entitled, "Networking Know-How". Find article archives
at LauraBenjamin.com - "Articles" on the nav bar.

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7. SHAMELESS YOU-KNOW-WHAT
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Laura is pleased to be a new member of the International
Association of Facilitators (www.iaf-world.org) as well as
a DiSC facilitator/trainer and Inscape Publishing Authorized
Distributor.

PROJECTS & PROGRAMS:
-BSG Benefit Consulting Services, RFP writing, website & presentation
-Christian Meeting & Conventions Assoc. (christianmeeting.com)
Member benefit and mktg. strategies
-Dr. Linda Seger, Author, "Jesus Rode a Donkey", "How to
Make a Good Script Great" and eight other books (LindaSeger.com)
-Aug 13-17 Situational Leadership Certification, San Diego CA

Jun 27, Jul 11, Aug 27, Air Academy Federal Credit Union, Employee
Business Partner Development: "Networking Know-How" Colorado
Springs and Castle Rock/Parker CO

Aug 11-12 Colorado Auctioneers Association Summer Conference,
Dillon CO, "Website Basics for Non-tekkies: How to Build Your
Business, Broaden Your Reach & Get Your Site to the Top of
the Search"

HOLD: Oct 11, Colorado State Pupil Transportation Association
Conference, Colorado, "Teamwork: There is an 'I' in Team"

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8. THE GRAND FINALE
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If you get good value from the information in this newsletter,
please send it to friends, family and co-workers.

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result from anything contained in this newsletter. The articles
contained within are not to be interpreted as legal, medical or
therapeutic advice. Laura Benjamin is not a lawyer, a licensed
therapist or psychologist. This is just common sense stuff.
(Okay, that last part was my idea!)

Warm regards and until next week,
Laura Benjamin, writing from Colorado

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